Lady Gaga has opened up about a time in her life when she felt very lonely as she was pursuing her music career.
On the Lifetime special, The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet, which aired on Thursday, the “Marry the Night” singer talked about how, in her late teens, she turned to drugs to fill the void of being alone.
According to Rolling Stone, Gaga, real name Stefani Germanotta, was “very depressed” after she dropped out of high school. She worked three jobs to support herself while she pursued music on the side. She said the life she was living grew to be very lonely.
"I would go back to my apartment every day and I would just sit there. It was quiet and it was lonely. It was still," the singer recalled. "It was just my piano and myself. I had a television and I would leave it on all the time just to feel like somebody was hanging out with me."
She says that eventually, cocaine became her “friend.”
"It was like the drug was my friend. I never did it with other people," she said. "It's such a terrible way to fill that void, because it just adds to that void, because it's not real."
Although it wasn’t right away, she had a wake-up call and kicked her coke habit.
"I sort of f--king woke up one day and was like, 'You're an asshole. You're not an artist,'" she said. "'If you were a real f--king artist, you'd be focused on your music. You wouldn't be spending your money on the white devil.'"
She said she thinks a lot of aspiring artists see “romanticism around drugs" like she did in her teens. She adds that in reality, though, “you're just a f-cking loser."
Since her dark days, Lady Gaga has learned to “cherish my loneliness.”
By April Chieffo
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